Setting the example of civil dialogue in the wake of political violence

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SALT LAKE CITY — After the fatal shooting of a popular political activist, Charlie Kirk, on the campus of Utah Valley University, conversations from various corners of American society turned to grief and anger in the wake of the event. 

Almost immediately, members of the public were asking questions online about what kind of person the shooter could be and how their political ideologies were formed. 

In a KSL NewsRadio special, hosts Greg Skordas and Holly Richardson explore questions of how society is affected by the chatter: What are children learning from this kind of reaction? How do we move to civil conversations with people, even if we don’t agree?

Parents and civil dialogue

With parents and guardians on the front lines of teaching, they play a vital role in educating their young about what might be happening around them, especially when many such events that fuel discourse occur in schools. 

“Our kids are watching us at this moment in time and how we lead moving forward,” said Utah House Speaker Mike Schultz. 

Starting to change the discourse could be as simple as listening.

“I was the best parent with my mouth shut,” said Dr. Tom Golightly, a licensed clinical psychologist. “I think one of the lost arts we have is listening … we often get caught up in the ‘I have a point to say. I need to say something,’ or we’re listening already forming that next thing in our head.”

Golightly said that a situation like the murder of Kirk is a good time to practice listening to others and their concerns. By listening, parents are also teaching their kids the importance of really understanding how “the other side,” or at the very least how someone with a different way of looking at things, is viewing the world or a particular situation.

To return to civil dialogue, recognize harmful speech patterns

We can minimize the effects of divisive speech, and begin a return to civil dialogue, by being aware and taking action, if we hear what Emma Adams, the co-executive director for Mormon Women for Ethical Government calls harmful speech. 

“Does it seem like the goal is to solve a problem, or maybe it seems like it’s actually designed to sow division? That simple question will … get you at least thinking critically about what they’re saying,” Adams said. 

Asking more questions can lead to more answers, she said.

“Is this (discussion) dehumanizing someone, whether subtly or directly, is it building on fear?” she said. “Is it … appealing to those emotions, that kind of get us to act and react, or is it appealing to maybe our better angels, the ones that want to want to build bridges.”

The four Ds

Adams recommends understanding “the four Ds” and how they can help diffuse potentially difficult situations.

“The first one is to be direct …  to tell someone to stop being threatening or harassing someone if you’re in a position to do that,” she said. If someone isn’t comfortable being direct, consider delegating to someone else who is nearby.

“Is there someone around who can assess and intervene,” she said. 

Distraction is another possible method to reroute a conversation.

“Spill a drink, pretend like we know someone else, engage in a chat with someone else, do something that kind of turns it somewhere else … to get out of the situation,” Adams said.

The fourth D is to delay: “If it’s someone else that’s being impacted, you could check on them, turn your attention to them, give space for them and check on their safety, so kind of delay and put the attention somewhere else,” Adams said.

Have faith that your actions can lead to change

As she has watched her group over the years, Adams said she has witnessed the power that one person can have in enacting a societal change. 

“It is absolutely possible for one person to start a movement that others follow along with when they see you acting in a way that cares for others,” she said. “It deescalates. It can turn the tide and inspire others.”

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Contributing: Mary Culbertson, KSL NewsRadio

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