‘A Woman’s View:’ Taking on the the challenges of parenting

SALT LAKE CITY — U.S. Surgeon General Vivik H. Murthy put out an official advisory on Wednesday, not about nicotine use, or social media, but about parenting. 

 

In the foreword to the advisory, Murthy said that the traditional challenges parenting brings, like protecting children from harm, providing financially for them, and managing their journey to independence have been exacerbated by “technological and economic forces.” 

“It has become harder for parents to prepare children for a future that is difficult to understand or predict,” Murthy said.

Murthy called parenting a “sacred work,” something that should matter to all of us. Therefore, the advisory was put in place to create more support for parents and caregivers across the country, through: 

1. Policy changes and “expanded community programs”
2. Rethinking cultural norms regarding parenting
3. Talking more openly about the challenges parents face. 

KSL NewsRadio’s Amanda Dickson was joined by founder/director of the Utah Women and Leadership Project Susan Madsen and Luz Lewis Perez, the Executive Director at the National Kidney Foundation of Utah & Idaho on her podcast “A Woman’s View” to discuss this warning, along with the challenges of parenting in their own experience. 

The stress

One statistic the advisory analyzed was the stress parenting creates. 

According to the Surgeon General, 41% of parents say most days, they are so stressed they can’t function. 48% of parents say that most days there stress is “completely overwhelming.” That’s double the amount of stress other, childless adults report feeling (20% and 26% respectively). 

Dickson said a lot of that stress might come from today’s lack of shared parenting responsibility.

Compared to when she was growing up, Dickson said that we don’t let others help us in our parenting efforts as much anymore. She said growing up, her whole neighborhood and extended family was there for her family. “When I had my kids, I didn’t have any family.” 

Before taking on the responsibilities of parenthood, Perez says awareness is key. “You should know how stressed out this could make you. You can’t just go into it without any kind of education.” 

As her children have become adults, Perez said she is “completely free of anxiety.” 

“I don’t have to keep anyone alive, or entertained… My kids today are like ‘why weren’t you this happy and relaxed when we were kids?'”

Madsen agreed with the statistics, saying that “parenting is one of the most stressful things that you do in life.”

“Some of us have adult children now and there’s still some stress,” she said. Parenting is something that deeply affects both the body and the mind, she described. 

“We can’t choose to take all the stress out of our lives, but if I were to go back and do it, I think I would’ve tried to be more aware of what it’s doing to my body.” 

The loneliness

The study cited a 2021 survey that said 65% of parents and guardians (and 77% of single parents) experienced loneliness, compared to 55% of non-parents. 

“Are we trying to take [parenting] on all by ourselves and that’s what’s making us lonely?” Dickson asked.  

Luz Lewis Perez said that motherhood specifically is “the most thankless, terrible, anxiety-ridden hardest job that you’ll ever do.” 

She said as she became a mother, she didn’t realize how lonely it could be.

“I could talk forever about what surprise motherhood was for me,” Perez said. “Everybody takes for granted the amount of work and and the importance of motherhood.”

The joy

Despite the challenges, all three agreed that there is a deep joy and purpose that parenting brings. 

“As I was reading about this… [I recalled that] yes the stress was overwhelming at times,” Dickson said. “Would I do it again? Absolutely.” 

Madsen says the joys of parenting are extended to many later in life, as people become grandparents.

“My grandkids, I just play and have fun, and then I go home. It is a delightful time in my life,” she said. 

And, the Surgeon General himself stated in his advisory the joy parenting has brought him, along with dedicating the advisory to the parents and caregivers whose sacrifices and love made us the people that we are. 

“As a parent, I have felt this way too—blessed to have the privilege of caring for my two children but also constantly wondering if I’m getting it right. Being a dad is the toughest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had.”

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