KSL Movie Show review: ‘Mary’ is the Bible story kicked up a notch
Dec 6, 2024, 10:00 AM
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SALT LAKE CITY — I’ve never claimed to be a Biblical scholar, but I must have been in a deep coma when this version of the New Testament was talked about in Sunday School.
Turns out, there’s something called the Protoevangelium of James — not to be confused with the Epistle of James — that details not only Jesus’s immaculate conception but that of the Virgin Mary herself. It also talks about Mary’s parents, Joachim and Anna, who could not conceive a child, but Joachim returns from a long sojourn of wandering and praying in the desert and discovers his wife is six-months pregnant, announced by an angel. Mary is born a month later.
Oh, and we’re just getting started.
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Director D.J. Caruso said he wanted to create an inspiring Mary story for young audiences to relate to. He even had a Roman Catholic auxiliary bishop and Pastor Joel Osteen as advisors and executive producers … and this is what they came up with.
Okay. Hang on for dear life, ‘cause here goes nothin.’
In the movie, teenage Mary (Noa Cohen) finds out one day that her parents made a deal. They would be granted a child as long as they eventually delivered her to the Temple to be dedicated to God. Surprise! That day comes. Mary has no idea what’s happening. Temple drop-off. Kiss, kiss, bye, bye now. Pretty cruel.
Now she’s under the tutelage of kindly old Anna the Prophetess and sweet Mary does what she’s told, taking nun classes and whatnot, when she’s visited by the Angel Gabriel, dressed in blue, that tells her she is with child. Excuse me? What? How is she going to explain that? He says, “Don’t worry. To God, nothing is impossible.”
Perhaps, but for Mary, IT IS impossible to explain away her pregnancy and so she gets kicked out of the temple and sent home. More cruelty. In the meantime, she meets a young Joseph down by the river, who immediately asks her father for her hand in marriage by saying, “now give me a second,” but doesn’t care that she’s with child and just wants to love her and her baby. Slow clap for Joseph! What a guy!
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Oh, and then there’s cranky King Herod (Sir Anthony Hopkins? I couldn’t believe it either) who pops in and out of this movie from time to time screaming at his wife, servants, soldiers, doing all his Herod atrocities, including upsizing the temple for Rome. Oh, and ordering the massacre of the innocents when he learns the alleged Messiah has just been born in Bethlehem, but he says it weird. He tells his head centurion, Marcellus, to go kill all the male babies, but bring the Christ child back alive! Huh? How’s he supposed to know who’s who?
But here comes my favorite part. Joseph and Mary take off in a buggy, when they hear the Romans are coming. Eventually, they’re cornered in some nice couple’s bungalow some distance away, but somehow, they manage to escape on a trusty steed that gallops right through slow-motion flames! Wow! Yes! Let’s kick this story up a notch! The kids are going to love it! And so are the Sunday School teachers when the little darlings come running in with this new, updated Mary story! Some fainting may be anticipated.
MARY (C) (Not rated, but likely PG-13) Starring Noa Cohen, Ido Tako, Hilla Vidor, Ori Pfeffer and Anthony Hopkins. Directed by D.J. Caruso (“I Am Number Four” “xXx: Return of Xander Cage”) – filmed in Morocco. Running time: 112 minutes. A NETFLIX exclusive.
