KSL Movie Show review: ‘Star Trek: Section 31’ is pretty lackluster

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

SALT LAKE CITY — I was going to review a unique foreign film from India called “All We Imagine As Light,” but realized I must have missed something. I found it oddly boring and awkwardly constructed despite its empowered-women foundation. So instead I’ll pick on a “Star Trek” movie.

Alert the nerdery!

Now you must realize that I take no joy in questioning any “Star Trek” adventure. After all, I have been waiting impatiently for season three of “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds” to commence sometime this year.

I remain in an unsatisfying holodeck simulation!

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Meanwhile, Paramount sends this bizarre attempt to stimulate our frontal cortexes. It’s a half-baked effort to introduce a Suicide Squad/Guardians of the Galaxy ensemble of misfit toys to the Emperor of the Terran Empire, Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh).

She’s on a mission to retrieve a super world-destroying weapon. But aren’t they all?

I’m aware that Georgiou comes from the “Discovery” series and the mirror universe and has managed to integrate herself into the Prime Universe betwixt “The Original Series and “Next Generation” as part of Section 31. That’s a secret division of Starfleet tasked with protecting the United Federation of Planets by any means necessary.

Sorry, that was a lot of gibberish meaning she was once a very bad lady now trying to atone for her horrible past by joining a mostly good-guy group aimed at preventing world annihilation.

And who or what makes up this rag-tag strike force? I’m glad you asked.

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Alok (Omari Hardwick) is a Section 31 top agent who despises Georgiou but knows she could be instrumental in retrieving the weapon.

Rachel Garrett (Kacey Rohl) is full-on Starfleet hoping to rise through the ranks and command a starship of her own someday.

Quasi (Sam Richardson) is a wise-cracking shapeshifter with plenty of thoughts on whatever subject is at hand.

Fuzz (Sven Ruygrok) is a smiling, but troubled Irish/Vulcan with a little symbiotic living in his head.

Zeph (Robert Kazinsky) is a loyal super soldier who inhabits a mechanical exoskeleton 24/7.

And Melle (Humberly González) uses her feminine wiles and irresistible magnetism to get people to do her bidding, despite taking an oath of celibacy.

Quite a collection of characters with unfortunately little to no charisma or spark that could ignite this adventure into life, so much so that it doesn’t even feel “Star Trek” adjacent.

Most of the movie is spent running, jumping, chasing and shooting potential bad guys who might know the whereabouts of the weapon. And even those moments are pretty lackluster.

When the filmmakers toss in a potential twist, it’s so telegraphed in advance as to render it moot. And nobody wants to be rendered moot! Especially in a “Star Trek” adventure!

So yeah, a big fat no-go for me. But since I’ve trashed it unmercifully, you’ll probably love it. It’s a Paramount + exclusive.

“Star Trek: Section 31” (C-) Rated PG-13 for violence/bloody images, suggestive material and some language. Starring Michelle Yeoh, Omari Hardwick, Sam Richardson, Robert Kazinsky, Kacey Rohl, Sven Ruygrok and Humberly González. Directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi (“The Cavern” “The Fourth Kind”) – filmed in Toronto. Running time: 90 minutes. A Paramount + exclusive.

The KSL Movie Show with Andy Farnsworth and Steve Salles airs Fridays on KSL NewsRadio from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Follow the show on Facebook, and join The KSL Movie Show Club for exclusive perks by texting MOVIE to 57500. Message and data rates may apply. Text STOP to cancel. Message frequency varies.