The parents are worn out: The silent suffering of today’s parents 

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

SALT LAKE CITY — Okay parents let’s admit it — we’re stressed out. Burned out. And we stay silent about how it’s affecting us.

That’s why me and my cohost Dave Noriega, of KSLNewsradio’s Dave & Dujanovic show, went in search of action steps to help today’s parents de-stress.

Dave and I are parents too, so we get it.

My three children are well into adulthood now, which is proof a stressed-out parent can pull through.

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But wouldn’t it be nice to raise our kids in a more relaxed state of mind?

To jump off the perpetual cycle of exhaustion, guilt, and worry?

Why parents are stressed out

Hours before our first child was born, I told myself my life would never be the same, and boy was I spot on.

On a smoldering July day in 1996, after 14 hours of exhaustive labor, we brought our first born into the world. The next day we went from the hospital delivery room to a racetrack with no rest stops.

By 1999 my husband and I had three kids, a home, two full-time careers, a couple of part-time jobs, and a schedule that barely allowed for sleep. One morning, I found myself breathlessly grocery shopping at 4:00 a.m. because that’s the only time slot I had open that week.

I, like countless other parents, co-managed our family, our household, and my television news career. I was a mom, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister, an aunt, a manager of stuff, a keeper of our checkbook, our family event planner, scrapbooker-in-chief, self-appointed laundry folder, household chef, grocery coupon clipper, and much more.

Through it all our kids came first.

I would sneak away from the KSL newsroom to coach my son’s elementary school PE class, I taught my oldest daughter’s Junior Achievement lessons, I was head of our youngest daughter’s author study program.

I was room mom, team mom, taxi mom, bedtime storyteller, kite flyer supervisor, front yard game organizer, birthday bash thrower— I taught my kids to create homemade Christmas ornaments, candles, soap, and of course…lip balm.

At times, I took my kids with me to work.

I wouldn’t trade a second of my time with them. I loved, and will always love, being with my children.

My intentions were pure, but my stress-o-meter was broken

Looking back, I wish I would have pumped the brakes on my high expectations of me. I didn’t know how to stop pushing myself to the point of bone-piercing exhaustion from juggling both work and home, or how to let go of self-imposed and misguided mom guilt, how to cut back on overscheduled family commitments, or how to take an afternoon catnap to greet the evening refreshed.

Like so many parents, my intentions were rooted in love, but my power to measure and manage my own stress went missing for about twenty years.

So, when, in 2024, U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a health advisory to parents about our high stress levels, and the fragile state of our mental health, I wildly shook my head in agreement. “Yes!” I thought.  It took a couple decades but in that moment I felt seen.

Dr. Murthy acknowledged that as our children deal with mental health related issues, parents need help too, telling ABC’s Good Morning America that, “Parents are struggling with overwhelming amounts of stress.”

As parents I think we are aware we’re stressed out and burned out, but we cope in silence and don’t know what to do about it.

Let’s start here, by listening to advice from Geret Giles, Ph.D., whose Utah-based practice focuses on families. Dr. Giles sat down with Dave and I to explain why parents go overboard, how to recognize and retrofit our parenting styles, and how to introduce “balance” and “boundaries” into our homes.

“I think about a parent’s circumstance a little bit like a plant”, said Dr. Giles.

“You need sunlight, you need water, and you need nutrients.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Debbie Dujanovic is the co-host of Dave & Dujanovic on KSL NewsRadio and the podcast “Dating at Her Age”. Follow her on Facebook and TikTok.