KSL Movie Show review: ‘Love Hurts’ is painful to watch
Feb 6, 2025, 3:08 PM | Updated: 3:35 pm
KSL Movie Reviewer Steve Salles says he doesn't enjoy trashing movies, especially those that feature actors he usually enjoys. But he takes exception with "Love Hurts." He calls it one of the most painful movies he's sat through recently.
Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.
SALT LAKE CITY — I don’t enjoy trashing movies, especially ones that feature actors I usually enjoy. But I have to take exception with “Love Hurts,” as it is one of the most painful movies I’ve recently had to sit through. And it was only a merciful 83 minutes long!
Sorry. I need a moment to let my blood pressure resume to something akin to normal.
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Okay. I’m back.
The hurting begins
Oscar winner Ke Huy Quan plays Marvin Gable, an unassuming real estate agent in suburban Milwaukee, who really loves his job. It’s Valentine’s Day, so he’s gone out of his way to bake Valentine cookies for his office co-workers, which includes his assistant Ashley (Lio Tipton) who really hates her job.
No sooner does he step into his office, but he’s confronted by a giant dude called “The Raven” (Mustafa Shakir) who has stabbed Marvin through the hand into the table with a very large knife.
Gross!
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He demands to know where Rose (Oscar winner Ariana DeBose) is, since she’s been going around town leaving Valentine cards to all the reprobates she once associated with, including Marvin who was supposed to have killed her for stealing money from The Boss/Marvin’s brother Knuckles, but didn’t.
You see Marvin was once a cold-blooded hitman for his brother. How do we know? Because he frowned a lot in flashbacks and had a cheesy mustache (something that did not go unnoticed considering the smattering of giggles from a suddenly nervous audience.)
The hurting continues
Rose’s plan is to get the “old killer” Marvin to help her retrieve the millions she’s owed from her backstabbing accomplice Merlot (Cam Gigandet) and Knuckles’ slimy accountant Kippy (Rhys Darby.) (Who came up with all these stupid character names?) Which is the least of this movie’s problems.
Anyway, the rule is – anybody who steals from Knuckles gets dead. So Rose will be walking into a death trap unless she can get Short Round, sorry Marvin, to help even out the odds.
Meanwhile, Knuckles sends two other henchmen, King and Otis (former Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch and some Norwegian slug André Eriksen) to throw poor Marvin violently around his house for awhile to help fill in the run time and to create some comic relief, but the over-the-top brutal attacks subdue any possibility of humor.
In fact, the tone of this action drama/comedy was so scattered that it would make Sybil jealous, remember the woman who claimed to have sixteen personalities? Too soon?
The icing on the cake was when Marvin’s assistant Ashley started reading from a bloody notebook of scribbled poetry left by the unconscious, presumed dead The Raven, the one who stabbed Marvin, but is surprisingly dispatched by Marvin in his office and she says something like “his words speak to my soul.” I almost got up and walked out.
Here’s what didn’t hurt about ‘Love Hurts’
The only thing salvageable from this bloody mess is that Ke Huy Quan does have tangible, martial art skills, that may come in handy, if he’s ever offered another job in a real action movie. This one wasn’t even close.
“Love Hurts” (D) Rated R for strong/bloody violence and language throughout. Starring Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Mustafa Shakir, Lio Tipton, Rhys Darby, Sean Astin and Marshawn Lynch. Directed by Jonathan Eusebio in his feature film directorial debut (shocker). He’s best known as a stunt coordinator for many major productions. The movie was filmed in Winnipeg. Running time: 83 minutes.
The KSL Movie Show with Andy Farnsworth and Steve Salles airs Fridays on KSL NewsRadio from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Follow the show on Facebook, and join The KSL Movie Show Club for exclusive perks by texting MOVIE to 57500. Message and data rates may apply. Text STOP to cancel. Message frequency varies.
