KSL Movie Show review: ‘Valiant One’ is a silly movie that takes itself too seriously

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

SALT LAKE CITY — I had no intention of writing a review on this little movie that couldn’t. 

But my mind kept going back to it and all I could think about was that Halloween insurance commercial where the idiot teens are running around the serial killer farm at night.

At one point, the frantic young lady says, “Why can’t we just get in the running car?!” To which her summa cum moron friend responds, “Are you crazy? Let’s hide behind the chainsaws!”

The point is, they made poor decisions. Coincidentally, so does this movie, its characters and the filmmakers.

At the outset, I must declare that I have no military background, nor do I claim any tactical knowledge that would have been helpful to this handful of American soldiers trapped behind enemy lines in supposedly the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. But it’s pretty easy to see when they’re doing some really dumb stuff at almost every turn.

And perhaps I wouldn’t be so hard on this film if they hadn’t been SO SPECIFIC as to where they professed to be.

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The mission is for this rag-tag group of computer nerds/soldiers to be airlifted into the DMZ, repair an underground radar unit with the help of a civilian engineer, get back on the helicopter and scurry back to Camp Humphreys. In and out — no one the wiser.  

Their regular platoon leader has the sniffles, so Sgt. Brockman (Outer Banks’ Chase Stokes) is assigned to lead this repair crew, despite having neither the training nor the desire to be involved, not to mention the lack of trust the crew has in him. 

Fortunately, he has Selby (Lana Condor from To All the Boys: Always and Forever) as his second in command, who is tough, skilled and most importantly, has Brockman’s back for some inexplicable reason.

Off they go across the vastness of the DMZ, which in reality is only 2.5 miles across, into an area that by definition is off limits to all military personnel, especially American soldiers, to fix this radar beacon, that in reality, isn’t supposed to be there. 

No sooner do they land, find the broken hardware (frayed wire, is all), but are told due to incoming bad weather, that the mission is scrubbed? 

The chopper, which had been running the entire five minutes, must now take off in a massive storm that apparently came out of nowhere 30 seconds earlier. 

And we haven’t even got to the dumb parts yet!

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Of course, they crash (spoiler alert). Horrific scene, tail rotor spinning in their faces like a much better Tom Cruise movie.

Flight crew commander, Lt. Lebold (Callan Mulvey) is somehow trapped under a tree.

“Go on without me,” he says, “Just leave me a grenade for when the enemy comes — I’ll have a little surprise for them.” (Wry soldier smile). 

You know the type.

A rattled Brockman is told that no one can come get them, because it’s raining too hard? Who knows. 

But if they can get to a certain coordinate, a Delta team will pick them up.  

Okay, now which way is south? I’m not kidding.

At one point, Brockman asks as they enter a tunnel after they’ve been trekking through jungles for hours, “Does anyone know which way is south?” 

Seriously, dude?  Again — a reminder — the DMZ is less than 3 miles across. You can literally see buildings on the other side of the border. 

I dare not say more but just know that a variety of logistical mistakes are about to take place with serious consequences — in a goofy movie that shouldn’t be mired by serious consequences. 

I’m guessing a number of you real soldiers might get a kick out of what should be a training film in what NOT to do in a combat situation if the film hadn’t taken itself so goll-danged seriously. 

And that’s what irks me the most. It’s called “Valiant One?” It should have been called the “ho-hum guy who made a number of stupid mistakes that cost people’s lives in an effort to make a nonsensical war thriller.”

Mic drop — rant over. 

SIDE NOTE:  It’s now the morning after I wrote this cranky review.

I now realize that I was still feeling the effects of a powerful six-episode documentary on Apple TV+ called “Vietnam: The War That Changed America” that I’d just watched. 

The inexplicable loss of life overwhelmed me and I took it out on this sad, ridiculous little movie.  

“Valiant One” (C-) Rated R for violence, and language throughout. Starring Chase Stokes, Lana Condor, Desmin Borges, Daniel Jun, Callan Mulvey and Diana Tsoy. Co-written and directed by Steve Barnett in his directorial debut – best known for producing “Journey to Bethlehem” “The Spiderwick Chronicles”) – filmed in Vancouver, B.C. Running time: 87 minutes. 

The KSL Movie Show with Andy Farnsworth and Steve Salles airs Fridays on KSL NewsRadio from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Follow the show on Facebook, and join The KSL Movie Show Club for exclusive perks by texting MOVIE to 57500. Message and data rates may apply. Text STOP to cancel. Message frequency varies.