JEFF CAPLAN'S MINUTE OF NEWS

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Doomscrolling in bed

May 10, 2024, 5:00 PM

jeff caplan hiding behind a blanket after doomscrolling...

Doomscrolling in bed can be dangerous and this morning Jeff Caplan flirted with fate. (Jeff Caplan)

(Jeff Caplan)

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

SALT LAKE CITY — Y’know… my mom is pretty good at handling technology.

She’s 85 and bless her, she keeps her iPhone, iPad, her Alexa and her computer, all of them, running in tip-top shape all by herself.

But when she calls me for help, it tests every fiber of my being. Because she spends a half hour describing the problem.

She tells me every mouse click in the past three days, re-enacting her tech support call, what tricks she tried to fix things and what kind of lettuce she had on her sandwich for lunch.

And I snap, “MOM. Just hit Control- Q”

Huh.

But early this morning, I realized I’m just like her.

 

I wake up in a pitch-black bedroom grab my phone and the notification says “Amanda Dickson is live.”

Amanda here on KSL NewsRadio.

And I wonder “Why’s Amanda live on Instagram in the middle of her show? Must be some news going on… lemme check…”

So I go to Instagram and there’s Amanda and she’s looking straight at the camera.

Straight at me.

And after a moment she says “Oh hi, Jeff’s here. Listen, the tech problem we were talking about yesterday… we’ll work it out with the engineers… blah blah”

And my brain blacks out.

 

Amanda’s staring at me and I’m stark naked and all I can think is “CAN SHE SEE ME? SHE’S STARING STRAIGHT AT ME.”

I’m in a panic. Blankets fly, my pulse is about 180.

Now, of course, she can’t see me. She’s just doing an Instagram live. She just saw my name pop up under “Who’s watching”

But my brain isn’t connected at 5:30 in the morning. All I can think is… “I DON’T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON… WHAT DO I DO??!?!?”

So my wife is convulsing with laughter and says “You gotta answer her.”

So I start talking to the screen.

“Eh hem. Hi Amanda … we’ll get to the tech prob…”

And my wife is doubled over. I’m clinging to a Minky for dear life, on the brink of a coronary, til I slowly figure out… huh…. Amanda can’t see me. It’s Instagram.

And telling this story I realize I’m going on and on, and I’m my mother’s son.

So Happy Mother’s Day Mom, from your computer chip off the old block.

Jeff Caplan is the host of Jeff Caplan’s Afternoon News on KSL NewsRadio. Follow him on Facebook and X. 

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Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Doomscrolling in bed