Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: The NFL’s deepest secret

Apr 25, 2024, 7:43 PM

Draft prospects stand on stage before the first round of the NFL football draft, Thursday, April 27...

FILE: Draft prospects stand on stage before the first round of the NFL football draft, Thursday, April 27, 2023, in Kansas City, Mo. What's the most important feature that NFL scouts are lookin for? Jeff Caplan's Minute of News has the answer.(Charlie Riedel, Associated Press)

(Charlie Riedel, Associated Press)

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

SALT LAKE CITY — The NFL draft is a big deal to football fans. Pro scouts spend months poking and prodding the best college players to decide who gets to make the millions.

Zach Wilson, in front of all the NFL scouts, had one unbelievable throw. An amazing bomb that blew everyone away.

That throw got Zach a $20 million contract with the Jets. But it turns out the whole time while scouts were watching his arm, maybe they should have been looking at his butt.

You know the song by Sir-Mix-A-Lot, “I like big butts and I cannot lie?” That song could have been written by Bill Belichick. On the NFL’s combine day, when the college players would have to run a 40-yard dash, everybody gathered at the finish line with stopwatches. Except Belichik.

Everyone wondered why this legendary coach was at the starting line. Well, it was because he wanted to watch their butts. Like many scouts, he believes a player with a little itty bitty butt is worthless.  

He likes ‘em round and big, before giving the kid a gig.

The theory is not only should a player have a big butt but a high butt with lots of muscle at the top. Then, the player will have the raw power to run and smash and tackle, and win in the NFL. 

When a kid ran a fast 40-yard dash, everybody would be saying ‘wow! A 4.4,’ but Belichick would just walk away because he saw the rearview and there was no junk in the trunk.

So when players get drafted tonight and tomorrow and they get a hug from the NFL commissioner, sure, check out the stylish and colorful suit the kid’s wearing.

And take a look down below. At the rookie’s moneymaker. 

‘Cause teams don’t want none unless you got buns son!

Jeff Caplan is the host of Jeff Caplan’s Afternoon News on KSL NewsRadio. Follow him on Facebook and X. 

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Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: The NFL’s deepest secret