JEFF CAPLAN'S MINUTE OF NEWS

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: I’ll sit out on the next mission to Mars

Mar 14, 2024, 8:00 AM | Updated: 10:58 am

Utah perseverance rover...

(This image made available by NASA shows the planet Mars. This composite photo was created from over 100 images of Mars taken by Viking Orbiters in the 1970s. Associated Press)

(This image made available by NASA shows the planet Mars. This composite photo was created from over 100 images of Mars taken by Viking Orbiters in the 1970s. Associated Press)

Editor’s note: This is an editorial piece. An editorial, like a news article, is based on fact but also shares opinions. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author and are not associated with our newsroom.

Jeff Caplan won’t be on the next mission to Mars.

There are two things we know about the first humans to visit Mars. Elon Musk already has a manned mission on the drawing board. The first thing we know is they’ll get one heck of a parade when they get back.

The second thing we know they might not be able to attend. It’ll take four months to get to Mars — give or take — then the trip back, bombarded by cosmic radiation far more than you’d find in Earth’s orbit. Radiation particles so tiny moving at such velocity — they zip through the ship’s hull, clothing and astronauts’ bodies creating a cancer risk. 

Then there’s space sickness. The New York Times reports it’s sort of like car sickness, but worse. NASA only found out about it 20 years into the space program. See, manly man astronauts would never admit to being sick. Except for a hot mic and an overheard conversation in the 70’s, scientists would have never known.  

They do know about the puffy faces. After time in space, blood pools above the neck sometimes causing permanent vision problems. That blood affects the nasal passages — you can’t smell or taste much. Which is why the international space station crew keeps wasabi and hot sauce on board. 

After you eat it, lack of gravity makes it hard to burp without barfing. You pass gas more often, and the body can’t tell when to urinate. Let’s just say — it can happen out of the blue. Your muscle mass decreases and kidney stones are more frequent.  

Then, after about 50 days, the blood flow in the jugular vein can change direction, creating a risk of blood clots. And if an astronaut needs surgery? The space doctor cuts you open and your innards can actually float away. They haven’t figured that one out, yet there are brave souls lining up for a chance to go to Mars. 

Me? I’ll go to the parade.

Other Minutes of News:

Listen to Jeff Caplan’s Afternoon News every weekday from 3 to 7 p.m. for more of his “My Minute of News.” 

We want to hear from you.

Have a story idea or tip? Send it to the KSL NewsRadio team here.

Jeff Caplan's Minute of News

Taylor Swift...

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Taylor Swift’s new album… for the non-Swifties

If you’re not a Swiftie, I’ll give you the cheat sheet so you can hold a conversation with anyone who’s lost in the Taylor Swift wormhole.

5 days ago

Left: Sean Ono Lennon At Empire State Building Lighting Ceremony In October 08, 2020 (Dimitrios Kam...

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: A new Lennon-McCartney

There’s a new Lennon-McCartney collaboration. It's not the one you're thinking. Or, maybe it is, but not quite. Not really.

6 days ago

If Utah gets a National Hockey League team, the existing Utah Grizzlies won't be going anywhere....

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: A little lesson about hockey

As we get ready for a Utah NHL Team, we have an important lesson for hockey spectators.

6 days ago

Image of people playing pickleball at the 11th Avenue Park in Salt Lake City on Thursday, June 30, ...

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Kids, stay away from Pickleball

Can’t get a timeslot on the court? Jeff Caplan proposes a new Pickleball Law.

6 days ago

sports fans cheer at delta center during slc ncaa tournament...

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Utah sports fans are proven to be THE BEST

A study shows that we’re better at forgiving our team for a bad game.

7 days ago

tesla...

Jeff Caplan

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: Tesla’s troubling 2024

The Cybertruck is STAINLESS steel. Right?

8 days ago

Sponsored Articles

a doctor putting her hand on the chest of her patient...

Intermountain Health

Intermountain nurse-midwives launch new gynecology access clinic

An access clinic launched by Intermountain nurse-midwives provides women with comprehensive gynecology care.

Young couple hugging while a realtor in a suit hands them keys in a new home...

Utah Association of Realtors

Buying a home this spring? Avoid these 5 costly pitfalls

By avoiding these pitfalls when buying a home this spring, you can ensure your investment will be long-lasting and secure.

a person dressed up as a nordic viking in a dragon boat resembling the bear lake monster...

Bear Lake Convention and Visitors Bureau

The Legend of the Bear Lake Monster

The Bear Lake monster has captivated people in the region for centuries, with tales that range from the believable to the bizarre.

...

Live Nation Concerts

All the artists coming to Utah First Credit Union Amphitheatre (formerly USANA Amp) this summer

Summer concerts are more than just entertainment; they’re a celebration of life, love, and connection.

Mother and cute toddler child in a little fancy wooden cottage, reading a book, drinking tea and en...

Visit Bear Lake

How to find the best winter lodging in Bear Lake, Utah

Winter lodging in Bear Lake can be more limited than in the summer, but with some careful planning you can easily book your next winter trip.

Happy family in winter clothing at the ski resort, winter time, watching at mountains in front of t...

Visit Bear Lake

Ski more for less: Affordable ski resorts near Bear Lake, Utah

Plan your perfect ski getaway in Bear Lake this winter, with pristine slopes, affordable tickets, and breathtaking scenery.

Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: I’ll sit out on the next mission to Mars